Spiritual Battles
I've noticed the enemy doubling down and attacking my emotions, digging up past anxieties and planting lies, especially when I get down to business with my relationship with God. He loves to attack the exact places where our God-given purposes are.
I remember very vividly the times when God seemed to poke at my heart to get on with starting a website and sharing the things that were on my heart. I was quick to make up excuses and had a list of reasons why I wasn't qualified for such a task. I also remember when I finally sat down and started writing, the next weeks I would often battle with anxieties resurfacing. My prayers were often scattered with the questions as to why these things were coming back to my heart and pleading with God to remind me of the truths of His word. It became a pattern; the majority of times after sitting in my chair and focusing on writing truth to the world, I just now expect there to be a spiritual battle afoot.
I was reading through a few posts on social media the other day that just happened to be about spiritual battle. The week prior, I'd just been through it. Days were filled with emotions bigger than I'd ever felt before, and doubts and lies littered my brain. I was working through some personal changes in our life, and it felt really heavy to carry. I called my husband (bless his heart) with tears, saying I felt broken, and asking why I was feeling this way. I felt darkness and sadness for reasons ultimately unexplained to this extent. I turned on Mickey Mouse for my toddlers and went to pray. I fell to my knees and cried out to God to take these feelings from me, asking why I was feeling this way. I stood up, and it came to my attention—a spiritual battle was afoot. It's really easy to keep these feelings to yourself because heaven forbid we share them and someone thinks badly of me. Please don't believe this lie; the enemy loves for you to think no one else could understand or help. I immediately reached out to a friend who knew the circumstances and said, "I need you to pray with me. I think I'm being attacked on the spiritual front."
I praise God that I was aware enough spiritually to realize these thoughts stemmed from darkness. If I weren't aware of the spiritual battles unseen, I would have been down so deep I would have dragged our marriage under with me. 2 Timothy 1:7: For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind. The "spirit of fear" is not something that is from God. I need you to know that you are not alone in the battle; the path is narrow and shaky, but the burden can be made light. Matthew 11:28-30: "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
A time when my mind begins to wander is when I am in the car; it is a bit quieter than I'm used to compared to the toddler chaos in our house. Sometimes thoughts wander, and intrusive thoughts make their way through—I stop them in their tracks by turning on worship music and praising and thanking Him instead. My boys love it too. My three-year-old has picked up on the saying "we're praising the Lord" when he asks what I'm doing singing in the front seat. Psalm 28:7 "The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him." Don't let the enemy take root in that heart of yours; the Lord is mighty and will do a good thing. Psalm 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly."
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